Sometimes in life we stop living because of fear. This fear is not always definitive, but it affects every aspect of your life.
I have lived most of my life in fear. Fear of failing, fear of disappointment, fear of never being enough, and fear of actually succeeding. Yeah, that last one is a bit strange, I know, but that is the one that hindered me the most.
Fear of failing
Having a fear of failing is normal. It is human nature to want to succeed. No one wants to fall flat on their face as a result of a choice that they made, but it happens. We all fall short, we all experience failure. It’s how we handle that failure that defines the person we are, and the fears that we face.
As a child, teenager, mother and wife, I have allowed myself to believe that I failed miserably. I became consumed with failure, always believing I was not good enough. Why? You will hear me reference back to this quote, as it has made me realize a lot about life:
“We are where we are because of the choices you have made or allowed others to make for you.”
My College English professor told me I was a horrible writer. That there was no way I really thought I was good. His words cut me like a knife. I allowed him to make the choice for me. I stop writing for years. I gave up what I loved the most because of one persons perception.
It wasn’t just his perception, it was all the fear that I allowed to consume my life.
That is powerful. If you really break it down and look at what this quote is saying, you can use it in all areas of your life. As a child, I was sexually abused. I was a scared child, who was too young to understand, and was made to believe she was nothing.
I do not ask for sympathy, as this is brought up to help you understand how you allow the fear of being a failure to consume your life. Don’t ever feel sorry for me, I have an amazing life. Plus, I now get to inspire you to find your will to live.
Although I was a child, I allowed my abuser to make that choice for me. Not only as a child, but all the through my adulthood. That affected my life dearly. I consumed myself with the thought of being a failure. Being nothing, and so essentially that fear hindered my whole life.
It led me to bulimia, as well as suicidal thoughts. I believed I was nothing, so I wanted to be nothing.
Fear of Disappointment
Perhaps a lot of people may consider failing and disappointment in the same category, but I don’t. Here is why! Failing means you tried but did not succeed. Disappointment means you tried and did not meet the expectations that were set for you.
I developed a fear for both. I feared failing so I steered away from any success I may experience. I feared disappointment so I told myself I was a failure even when I succeeded, just in case I did not meet the expectations that others set for me.
This is crazy, plain crazy. I can stand back and see it now, but I was so consumed with fear that I did not have a clear vision of what I was doing to myself. Failure and disappointment are two facts of life. Yes, we wish we would have done things differently, but if you take those failures and disappointments, and grow from them, the results are amazing.
I am actually doing that now with my past, I am looking back and I always thought of myself as a weak, no good for nothing girl. However, I look now and see a girl who fought against the odds and won. Why? For the very reason you are reading this blog, to inspire, give hope and save someone from the hell I put myself through.
Fear of Never Being Enough
People allow others perceptions to tell them they are nothing. We allow others to make choices for us. That is why we experience fear. We listen to all the negative things that they have to say, and decide that they are absolutely right.
I did this from an early age. Essentially, I lived two lives that have collided as one, but let me tell you, It was a long, dark and scary road. I let myself escape in my own mind. I allowed my abuser to fill me with fear. That fear eventually turned into hate, and that hate made me lose my will to live. I escaped in my mind so I wouldn’t have to believe these horrible things were happening.
I had to hold it together when I was around people, but I eventually allowed that fear of being nothing to cross over from the abused child to the confused teen. That is when the fear of never being enough took over. I still battle this. I constantly question if I am a good enough mother or wife. It’s hard to break these thoughts when you have thought them for so long.
To find your will to live, you have to escape this fear.
Fear of Succeeding
I believed I was nothing, I feared failure and disappointment, so succeeding was not an option. Once you allow yourself to be hindered by fear, it takes away your logic thinking.
Here is what I thought of myself, “What if I did succeed? What would I do?” I thought I was nothing so succeeding became a fear. How would I handle this? I was comfortable with being nothing, which met I didn’t want to try to become more. That fear hindered me from pursuing my dream of writing.
I came to terms with what happened to me as a child. I can not change the past, but I certainly have control of my future. Therefore, I would become a voice for those who do not have a voice. For those who have been hindered by fear or abuse. For those who need inspiration on a darken day. If I can touch one person. Make a difference in one life, then I have fulfilled my dream.
Life is about choices, while I didn’t have these choices as a child, I do as an adult. I have and am still, breaking the barriers of fear. Don’t live with regret. Don’t allow others to make choices for you. Decide that today is the day you are going to start living. Find the will, because you are someone who has a lot to offer this world. One life could be saved by your kind words, your actions, your belief or your success. You matter that much. That is why you have to find your will to live.